This old man in his eighties got up and was putting on his coat.
His wife said, "Where are you going?" He said, "I'm going to the doctor."
And she said, "Why? Are you sick?"
"No," he said. "I'm going to get me some of those new Viagra pills."
So his wife got up out of her rocker and was putting on her sweater and he said, "Where are you going?"
She said, "I'm going to the doctor too."
He said, "Why?"
She said, "If you're going to start using that rusty old thing again, I'm going to get a tetanus shot
Jeg synes Carrie Fisher fortjener en plads her i "joke tråden" - som jeg synes er totalt slæbende kedsommelig.. Solly, Boes, men det ku´være sjovt at høre noget morsomt fra dig selv Herr Overlæge, no offence, slet ikke, men hold kæft det er gaaab og gaaaaaab og endnu mere gaaaaaaaab her.. Jeg kunne komme på utallige grotesk morsomme, men også tragiske historier fra det danske hospital uvæsen og deres elendige personale. Der kreperer vel nogle tusinde om året - ikke pga. sygdom - men pga. fucking udueligt personale, det kunne være sjovt at høre mere om det, kom med nogle inside rædsler, tak..
Check out en BiPolar dame med en hund ved navn Gary, der ikke kan holde tungen lige i munden, woohaaa!!
Frygtelig kedelig tråd den her, grusomt kedelig, jeg har undret mig meget, meget længe over hvad der egentlig foregik, og idag fandt jeg ud af det, sjovt var det sgu ikke..
@JohnBKK
Personligt finder jeg det ualmindeligt lavpandet hvis man, som du aabenbart gor, slaeber dig gabende gennem en traad du finder kedelig og ikke underholdende. Frem med dunken og op med humoret Johnnyboy...
A Jewish man and his wife are having dinner at a very fine restaurant when an
absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a long passionate kiss and says to him, "I'll see you later".
"Who the hell was that?" says the wife.
"That was my mistress." says the husband.
"I want a divorce!" says the wife, "This is the last straw! I've had enough."
The husband says, "Alright! You'll get your divorce, but just remember this: There will be no more Winters in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more shopping trips to Paris, no more Mercedes in the garage, and no more Yacht Club, no more Harrods Diamond Card, etc. etc. But the decision is yours!"
Just then a friend of the husband enters the restaurant with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Moishe?" says the wife.
"That's his mistress", says the husband.
"His mistress you say? says the wife: Ours is much prettier.".
A man sees a sign outside a house:
'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
"Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
"Yes!" The Labrador replies....
After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, he man asks, "So, tell me your story!"
The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the SAS.
"In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Heathrow to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"
The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
"Ten quid!" The owner says.
"£10? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
"Because he's a lying bastard. He's never been out of the garden!"
A man walks into a church confessional and says to the priest, “Bless me, father, for I have sinned. I was with seven different women last night.”
The priest is silent for a moment, then says, “Go home and cut seven lemons in half. Squeeze the juice into a glass and drink it down in one gulp.”
“And I’ll be forgiven?” asks the man.
“No,” replies the priest, “but it will wipe that smirk off your face.”
One of the guys says to his buddy: "Man you look tired.”
His buddy says,“Man I'm exhausted. My girlfriend and I have sex all the time.
She's after me 3 and 4 times a day, I just don't know what to do."
A fellow about my age (60+), sitting a couple of stools down, also overheard the conversation.
He looked at the two young men and with the wisdom of many
years says:
"Marry her. That'll put a stop to that crap."
Robert , 85, married Jenny, a lovely 25 year old. Since her new husband is so old, Jenny decides that after their wedding she and Robert should have separate bedrooms, because she is concerned that her new but aged husband may over-exert himself if they spend the entire night together
After the wedding festivities Jenny prepares herself for bed and the expected knock on the door. Sure enough the knock comes, the door opens and there is Robert, her 85 year old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, Robert takes leave of his bride, and she prepares to go to sleep.
After a few minutes, Jenny hears another knock on her bedroom door, and its Robert, Again he is ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Jenny consents for more coupling. When the newly weds are done, Robert kisses his bride, bids her a fond good night and leaves.
She is set to go to sleep again, but, aha, you guessed it Robert is back again, rapping on the door and is as fresh as a 25 year old, ready for more action. And, once more they enjoy each other. But as Robert gets set to leave again, his young bride says to him, I am thoroughly impressed that at your age you can perform so well and so often. I have been with guys less than a third of your age who were only good once. You are truly a great lover, Robert.
Robert, somewhat embarrassed, turns to Jenny and says: You mean I was here already?
A 60 year old lady was standing next to the railing on a cruise ship. .... She was using both hands to hold her hat onto her head so it wouldn't blow away.....
A gentleman approached the lady and said ..... "Ma'am, .... I am sorry to bother you but the wind is blowing your dress up".....
The lady replied, ...... "Sir, if I take my hands off of my hat it will blow away"......
"I understand,..ma'am,..... but .... you aren't wearing any panties", ..... replied the gentleman.
The lady looked down then ...... back up at the gentleman and said,
"Sir, .... anything you see down there is 60 years old. I bought this hat yesterday"....
