Thailand Portalen (version 2004)

Oprettet af Boes d. 09/03-2011 15:10

A man goes hunting with a bunch of his friends on His land!! They have been hunting a while and his best friend says"hey I can see in your bedroom with my scope". He says " who's that man in the bedroom with your wife? The husband says "what? r u joking? The friend replies,"no honestly. I can see them!! The husband says "Fine shoot her in the head and him in the private!! The friend replies"I CAN GET THAT IN ONE SHOT!!!!!!!!"

Oprettet af Boes d. 11/03-2011 05:42

An award should go to the Virgin Airlines desk attendant in Sydney
some months ago for being smart and funny, while making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as
Cargo.
A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after Virgin's 767s had been
withdrawn from service. A single attendant was rebooking a long line
Of inconvenienced travellers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his
Way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said,
'I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be FIRST CLASS'.
The attendant replied, 'I'm sorry, sir. I'll be happy to try to help
You, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be
Able to work something out.'
The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the
Passengers behind him could hear, 'DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?'
Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public
Address microphone: 'May I have your attention please, may I have your
Attention please,' she began - her voice heard clearly throughout the
Terminal.
'We have a passenger here at Desk 14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS.
If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Desk 14.'
With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man
Glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "Fuck you"

Without flinching, she smiled and said, 'I'm sorry,
Sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too'.

Oprettet af Boes d. 12/03-2011 07:11

A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, says "Yes! How did you figure that out?"

"Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they have done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?"

"Didn't feel a thing!"

Oprettet af Boes d. 14/03-2011 07:07

#10

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, 'What are you doing?'

She answers, 'I'm moving to London .. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.'

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
When she asks him where he's going, he replies, 'I'm coming too, I want to see how you live on $800 a year'.

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Man walks into the bedroom with a sheep under his arm while his wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says: 'This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache.'

Wife replies: 'I think you'll find that is a sheep.'

; Man replies: 'I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep'
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Oprettet af Boes d. 14/03-2011 08:32

#11

. ATHEISM IS A NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

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The Cadbury's Candy Co. And Merck Drug Co. have combined to market the new Mint flavored birth control pill that women may take immediately before sex.

The Pill will be distributed by the large major drug store chains and Wal-Mart's Pharmacies.
They're going to be called....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'Pre-dick-a-mints

Oprettet af Boes d. 16/03-2011 07:16

#13

A young ventriloquist (bugtaler) is touring the clubs and one night he's doing
> a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts
> going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.
>
> Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and
> starts shouting: 'I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes
> you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a
> person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and
> from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind
> continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in
> general...and all in the name of humor!'
>
> The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde
> yells, 'You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little shit on
> your knee.

Oprettet af DKPete d. 16/03-2011 12:07

#16

Konsulenter.....
En nordjysk bonde står og passer sin fåreflok. Pludselig kommer der en spritny Audi og parkerer ved leddet. Ud stiger der en frisk smilende fyr. Han sætter solbrillerne op i panden og råber kækt til bonden:

- Hvis jeg kan regne ud, hvor mange får du har, må jeg så få et af dem?

Bonden kigger på fyren og svarer:

- Det er ok med mig!

Fyren tager sin smartphone frem og kobler sig op på en NASA-side på internettet. Han kontakter et GPS-satellitnavigationssystem, henter den eksakte position og giver data videre til en NASA-satellit, der scanner området med et højopløsningskamera. Så åbner han digitalbilledet i Photoshop og eksporterer det til Image Processing Facility i Hamburg. Derefter kopierer han dataene ind i et kompliceret regneark, og kort efter kan han udskrive en firefarvet rapport på 150 sider på sin miniature laserprinter. Fyren kaster et blik på sidste side og siger:

- Du har nøjagtig 1.128 får!

- Det stemmer, siger bonden, så du må tage et af fårene.

Så siger bonden:

- Hvis jeg kan sige præcist, hvad du arbejder med, kan jeg så få fåret tilbage?

Fyren tænker sig om et øjeblik og accepterer så.

- Du er konsulent, siger bonden.

- Det er rigtigt, men hvordan kunne du vide det?

- Det var ikke svært: Du er kommet, uden nogen har ringet efter dig, du skulle have betaling for noget, jeg allerede vidste, på et spørgsmål, jeg ikke har stillet, og du har brugt en masse ressourcer. Desuden har du ikke en klat forstand på det forretningsområde, du udtaler dig om. Så vær så venlig at åbne bagagerummet og giv mig min golden retriever tilbage.

Oprettet af DKPete d. 16/03-2011 14:27

#17

Your car is Japanese. Your pizza is Italian. Your potatoes are German. Your wine is Chilean. Your democracy is Greek. You drink Brazilian coffee and Tamil tea. You wear a Swiss watch and French fashion. Your shirt is Indian. Your shoes are Thai. Your radio is Korean. Your vodka is Russian. Don´t complain if your neighbor is an immigrant.

Oprettet af Boes d. 17/03-2011 07:08

#18

Lægen tog sin hjemmetelefon og hørte sin kollegas velkendte stemme.
- "Vi skal bruge en fjerdemand til poker."
- "Jeg kommer med det samme."
Da han var i færd med at tage sit overtøj på spurgte hans kone:
- "Er der sket noget alvorligt?"
- "Ja, der er allerede 4 læger på stedet."

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Blondinen skulle ned og have gardiner til sin pc, så hun siger til manden i butikken: - Godav jeg skal have gardiner til min pc.

Manden siger at hun da ikke kan få gardiner til en pc.

- Halloooo jeg har ligesom Windows!