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 World's funniest joke
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| Payanak |
Lagt på d. 07/04-2008 15:57
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 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2597 |
TOP JOKE IN THE WORLD. Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?" SECOND PLACE IN THE WORLD. Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" And Holmes said: “Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent.” TOP JOKE IN WALES. A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast." TOP JOKE IN ENGLAND. Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk." TOP JOKE IN SCOTLAND. I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming in terror like his passengers. TOP JOKE IN NORTHERN IRELAND. A doctor says to his patient, "I have bad news and worse news". "Oh dear, what's the bad news?" asks the patient. The doctor replies: "You only have 24 hours to live." "That's terrible," said the patient. "How can the news possibly be worse?". The doctor replies: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday." TOP JOKE IN UK. A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off - go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." TOP JOKE IN USA. A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years." TOP JOKE IN CANADA. When Nasa first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, scientists spent a decade and 12 billion dollars to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil. TOP JOKE IN AUSTRALIA. This woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?" The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight...." TOP JOKE IN BELGIUM. Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks. TOP JOKE IN GERMANY. A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."  worlds funniest joke |
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| Henrik N B |
Lagt på d. 07/04-2008 19:27
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 Lidt øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 69 |
En ung brunette går til lægen og siger, at hendes krop gør ondt, uanset hvor hun rører ved dén. Umuligt siger lægen, vis mig det. Hun trykker med pegefingeren på albuen og skriger af smerte, så trykker hun på sit knæ og endnu et skrig lyder, det samme sker da hun trykker på sin ankel og skulder. Lægen siger: Du er ikke rigtig brunette, vel...?? Nej, siger pigen, jeg er blondine. Det tænkte jeg nok siger lægen, din finger er brækket! ------------------------ Som russerne siger "der findes ingen grimme fyre, kun for lidt vodka"------------------------- MVH
Henrik *Lykken er hverken gods eller guld, men den ligner, for den som er fattig græder og den som har røven fuld går og griner. Lykken er ikke til salg, men umulig at få hvis du er flad, så hvis lykken hverken er gods eller guld så følges de oftest ad* |
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| roald |
Lagt på d. 07/04-2008 22:09
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 Meget øvet medlem  Antal indlæg: 873 |
Tenager pigen ved middagsbordet--mor, jeg skal bruge en lommelygte. Hvad skal du bruge den til ?Jeg skal over i parken og kramme med drengene. Nå, det kunne vi da godt gøre i mørke før i tiden. JA, men tag så lige et kig på far. |
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| roald |
Lagt på d. 07/04-2008 22:21
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Meget øvet medlem Antal indlæg: 873 |
Fader Vor, du som er i datamaten. Helliget Vorde dit operativsystem, komme dit flerbrugersystem. Ske din vilje på skærmen, således også i printeren. Led os ikke i systemfejl, og fri os for de lange svartider. Giv os i dag vor daglige udskrift, og tilgiv os vore tastefejl, selvom vi aldrig tilgiver nogen for programfejl. Thi dit er systemet og magten over personalet i evighed. ENTER. |
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