. Det er fanme alverdens ting man kan få lavet nu om dage. 
Nyheder
Se indlæg
 Dagens joke
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 01/12-2016 09:28
|
 Ekspert medlem  Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Today marks 6 months without drinking a drop of coca cola, or any kinds of soda or alcohol! 6 months without eating bread, cake or anything sweet. The change in my body has been fantastic, I feel great, I lost weight and my way of thinking is very positive... I'm looking to keep this up and go for more. Because I care!... no alcohol, eating healthy and above all, an hour of exercise every day!!! I don't know who's status this is, but it said to copy and paste. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 01/12-2016 11:41
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
I guys sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of hot chilli. The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you got the last bowl." He looks over and sees that the guy's finished his meal, but the bowl of chili is still full. He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?" The other guy says, "No. Help yourself." He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down sees a dead mouse and immediately pukes all the chili back into the bowl. The other guy says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got, too." 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/12-2016 05:18
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Defense Attorney: Will you please state your age? Little Old Lady: I am 86 years old. Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st? Little Old Lady: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me. Defense Attorney: Did you know him? Little Old Lady: No, but he sure was friendly. Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down? Little Old Lady: He started to rub my thigh. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him? Little Old Lady: No, I didn’t stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abler died some 30 years ago. Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: He began to rub my breasts. Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then? Little Old Lady: No, I did not stop him. Defense Attorney: Why not? Little Old Lady: His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years! Defense Attorney: What happened next? Little Old Lady: Well, by then, I was feeling really "spicy" that I just laid down and told him "Take me, young man. Take me!" Defense Attorney: Did he take you? Little Old Lady: Hell, no! He just yelled, "April Fool!" And that’s when I shot him, the little bastard! 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 02/12-2016 12:56
|
 Superadministrator  Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
 |
|
| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 02/12-2016 12:57
|
|
Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 02/12-2016 17:14
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Childbirth at 65 ( Too good not to pass on.Enjoy! ) With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' I asked. 'Not yet,' she said. 'I'll make coffee and we can chat for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' 'No, not yet,' she said. After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?' "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 03/12-2016 04:28
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
So Stephen hawkings reckons that the earth may have only about 1000 years of life left, where are the Rolling Stones going to do their final comeback tour?
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 04/12-2016 11:30
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
*Nude Runner* A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway. 'Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!' 'I can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!' 'If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!' she replied. 'He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!' So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer. Do you always run in the nude?' one asked. 'Oh yes!' he replied, gasping in air. 'It feels so wonderfully free!' Another runner moved a long side. 'Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?' 'Oh, yes' our friend answered breathlessly. 'That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!' Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, 'Do you always wear a condom when you run?' ------ 'Nope...just when it's raining.' -- "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 05/12-2016 07:12
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man....The medicine man says, 'I can cure this.' With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. Then he says, 'This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '1 2 3,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!' The man then asks, 'What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?' The medicine man replies, 'When your partner can take no more sex all she has to say is '1 2 3 4', and it will then go down. But be warned, the 'pork sword' will not rise again for another year.' The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed, cuddles up to his wife, says '123' and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised. His wife turns over and asks, 'What did you say '1 2 3... for?"..
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 06/12-2016 09:06
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blonde. 'They're watch dogs'! "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 07/12-2016 09:07
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A man came to work on Monday morning with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened. The man replied, On Sunday, I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her butt crack, so I was trying to be nice and I pulled it out for her. Then, she turned around and punched me in the eye. The boss asked, Okay, so where did you get the other shiner? Well, the man said, I figured she didnt want it out, so I pushed it back in". 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Webmaster |
Lagt på d. 07/12-2016 12:30
|
|
Superadministrator Antal indlæg: 6782 |
https://www.faceb...8604988224 Med venlig hilsen
Webmaster Email: webmaster@dansk-thai.dk Website: www.thailand-portalen.dk Ytringsfrihed er ikke retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, hvornår vi har lyst. Det er retten til at sige, hvad vi har lyst til, dér hvor vi har fået lov til det. |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 09/12-2016 03:45
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
This is a true story of a poor dizzy blond flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic,calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!" She hears a voice over the radio saying: "This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!" She says, "I'm 5'4 and i'm in the front seat." (pause) "O.K." says the voice in the radio....... "Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 10/12-2016 07:19
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor and it lands butter-side-up. He looks down in astonishment, for he knows that it’s a law of nature of the universe that buttered toast always falls butter-down. So he rushes round to the presbytery to fetch Father Flanagan. He tells the priest that a miracle has occurred in his kitchen. But he won't say what it is, so he asks Fr. Flanagan to come and see it with his own eyes. He leads Fr.Flanagan into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor. "Well," says the priest, "it's pretty obvious. Someone has dropped some buttered toast on the floor and then, for some reason, they flipped it over so that the butter was on top." "No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that!" exclaimed Murphy “Oh my Lord," says Farther Flanagan, “dropped toast never falls with the butter side up. ….It's a mir….Wait... it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I’ll have to report this matter to the Bishop and he'll have to deal with it. He’ll send some people round; to interview you, take photos and a statement etc.” A thorough investigation is conducted, not only by the archdiocese but by scientists sent over from the Curia in Rome Italy . No expense is spared. There is great excitement in the town as everyone knows that a miracle will bring in much need tourism revenue. Then, after 8 long weeks and with great fanfare, the Bishop announces the final ruling. “It is certain that some kind of an extraordinary event took place in Murphy's kitchen, (quite outside the natural laws of the universe). Yet the Holy See must be very cautious before ruling it a miracle. All other explanations must be ruled out. Unfortunately, in this case, it has been declared ‘No Miracle’ because they think that Murphy may have buttered the toast on the wrong side!". "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 11/12-2016 05:40
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them. Each priest had a small bell attached to his winkie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity. The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos. Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage. Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up... and all the other bells started to ring .!! 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 11/12-2016 05:58
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
After my wife died of a heart attack I didn't want to settle down again straight away. I wanted to have some fun first. So I went online to find a young girl with big tits that I could have casual sex with. Needless to say, my in laws weren't impressed. They thought I should have called an ambulance first
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 11/12-2016 06:11
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, 'Skippy!'. The woman thought, 'This is great!' and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, 'Skippy!' Once again the woman smiled and thought 'Yes!' A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, 'Skippy, get away from her, before she SHITS on you "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 12/12-2016 09:53
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring. This man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense." The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings." "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly. His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to say, "So, how long have you been wearing one?" "Ever since my wife found it in my car"..... 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 12/12-2016 18:39
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
In Catholic schools students are taught that lying is a sin. Instructors are also advised that using a bit of imagination is OK to express the truth differently without lying. This is a perfect example of this teaching: Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs..... An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?' Of course child. What can I do for you?' I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday. It is unopened but well over the customs limits and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Could you possibly hide it under your robes for me?' 'I would love to help you my dear but, I must warn you, I will not tell a lie.' 'With your honest face, Father, I'm sure that no one will question you.' When they got to customs, she let the priest go first. The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?' 'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.' The official thought this answer a little strange, so he asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?' 'I have a marvelous instrument that has been designed for use on women, but which, to date, remains unused.' Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, "The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Boes |
Lagt på d. 13/12-2016 06:14
|
|
Ekspert medlem Antal indlæg: 2688 |
Fella says to his wife, "why don't you tell me when you orgasm?" She says " I don't like ringing you when you're at work" I had to slap some fat old twat in Debenhams yesterday. The prick only called my wife a "Ho" not once, but three fucking times! Changed my WIFI name to "Police Surveillance Van #4" Just to fuck with the crack dealer next door.. 
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits."
Albert Einstein |
|
|
|
| Spring til debat: |
